Lately, I have been pretty anxious about my future. With graduation looming, this is another stage in life where I am once again, bombarded by questions regarding my future: “So, what do you want to do after graduation? Have you been applying to jobs? Where do you want to live? Have you ever thought about _______ as a career option? How about ________? (fill in blanks with some type of profession)

Honestly, I do not have a response to those questions. Everything is up in the air. Trust me, folks, if I had a definite answer, I would climb the highest building and yell my career choice for the whole world to know.

But,

 I don’t have that answer.

And,

I’m okay with it

Because

I know that I will understand my purpose on earth more and more as each day passes.

I am a planner. I like to know what I will do and when I will do it way in advance. I am not comfortable in uncertainty. I don’t like gray areas. I prefer black and white. But, my relationship with God has continuously challenged my plans or my perception of how things should go in my life. It is because God only provides a snapshot big enough for me to see the next phase in life, but not big enough for me to get a clear view of the entire picture.

If I could look into the future and see what my desired occupation would be and if I am married, if I had kids, etc., I probably would. I don’t like surprises in my life. I want to know where I am going before I get there.

 But in my life, God has not given me that roadmap. I must admit, I am not thrilled about not knowing all the answers to the questions others harmlessly ask.

When I decided to surrender my will go God’s will, I did not realize how much that would entail. I thought that God would allow me to have my dreams fulfilled, as long as I abided by His rules. But, that is not how it has occurred.

His ways are not my ways and his thoughts are not my thoughts and for that reason, I feel like a pawn in the universe. Just waiting to see what will happen in the next chapter of my life.

It has been difficult; However, had I been going on my own wims, I probably would be more confused than I am right now.

Who knows what this situation is teaching me…. Maybe it is teaching me how to be patient, or how to rely on God, or how to be obedient because obedience is better than sacrifice.

I DON’T KNOW.

That, in itself, is an uncomfortable feeling.

However, like my Grandma says, “I don’t believe He brought me this far to leave me.”

So, I’ll wait and see what the future holds and if I continue to ask God to order my steps, He will lead me to my destination. Don’t get me wrong, I still will make plans and preparation for my future, but I will surrender my will to His.

This is my song for the week:

“I don’t know
About tomorrow
I just live from day to day
And I don’t borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray
And I don’t worry about my future
For I know what Jesus said
And today He walks beside me
For He knows what lies ahead
Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand
But I, I know, I know, I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds, who holds my hand.”

Gospel Version

Country Version

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