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The Grotesque Beauty of Change

The older I get, the more I realize that friends change, their priorities change, and I cannot get mad at that. It’s called maturation. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish things could stay the same sometimes…just for a little longer…

Currently, I’m struggling with losing a very good friend. My friend did not die. My friend did not move. My friend is growing up and experiencing life in a different way than I am. That has led to my innate sense of loss.

Marriage—Kids—Family : words that I have yet to fully embrace in my life since none of those things apply to me now.  I’m not married. I don’t have any kids. I have not embarked on the journey of beginning my own family as of yet.

With that being said, the dynamic between my friend and I has begun to change. My friends’ stressors are not my own. My friend’s focus is on the future regarding his or her family. My focus is just on me.  My friend’s long term goals involve the happiness and satisfaction of his or her children. My long-term goals involve the happiness and satisfaction of me.

I can feel the river growing into a stream between us.

O how things change!

Change is good, right?

I know it is.

Change is necessary.

A necessary evil.

So excuse my sensitivity and selfishness.

Don’t mind my wanting it to be about me,

My friend.

I’m just having a hard time adjusting.

But I will.

So excuse my tears when I say “I’m happy for you.”

Really, I promise I am.

 I’m happy for your additions in life: marriage, family, etc.

But I’m just a little sad at the loss.

Of who?

Of you,

My friend.

No you have not moved, died, nor has your number changed.

But I can feel the loss.

The stream growing into a lake.

As priorities change.

Responsibilities grow.

Perspectives differ.

And life experiences take us in different paths.

Each equally important.

But separate.

And as time progresses.

The dynamics will continue to change.

As our conversations get shorter.

And our visits are fewer.

And the day-to-day updates become antiquated.

I’m not upset.

It’s a fact of life.

But,

Know one thing my friend.

My love for you won’t change.

The older I get, the more I realize that friends change, their priorities change, and I cannot get mad at that. It’s called maturation. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish things could stay the same sometimes…just for a little longer…just for a little longer.

*This post was inspired by a friend, my friend*

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