A few days ago, I was listening to Oprah’s Lifeclass Webcast that discussed “Letting go of Anger.” The co-host of this show was Iyanla Vanzant, a motivational speaker/author/relationship expert. During the class, Iyanla discussed how we only have two emotions: love and fear. She continued to explain how anger is the manifestation of fear.
Iyanla stated that there are Four Primal fears:
Number One: “The fear of Losing someone’s love or having your love rejected or being taken away… “
Number Two: “The fear of being powerless or helpless (unsafe)…”
Number Three: “The fear of a loss of control (self/others/what will happen)”
Number Four: “The fear of not being seen as valuable, worthy necessary.”
I found these valuable insights that helped to explain some of my angriest moments to myself. In retrospection, I can agree with Iyanla when she stated how we are never angry for the reason we think we are. In horrible break-ups, family issues, friendships woes, academic blunders, and many other things that have happened, I realize that my anger was only a cover up for some type of pain. Many times, my feelings were hurt or I was disappointed because I was no longer viewed as “valuable” or treated as valuable. Other times, I felt a loss of control or confusion about a situation.
No matter how angry I got, I learned to move forward. In fact, I prided myself on my ability to dust myself off after a fall, get back up and join the race. But, how many of you know that moving forward and letting go are, at times, two separate realities? Even after getting up from a bad fall, a person still has wounds that can leave scars. Or even worse, a person can have a wound that was never fully treated and healed.
Yes, you may have moved on forward from that horrible relationship, but have you let it go? Have you let go of the past hurt, pain, and resentment that is potentially clouding your future.
Yes, you may have moved forward and gotten a different job, but have you let the anger, frustration, disappointment, and sadness go from being laid off after years of hard work and dedication to a company?
Yes, you may still associate with a friend who wronged or hurt you, but have you let go of the effect/pain that his or her actions caused you?
On the Oprah’s Lifeclass webcast was a woman who held on to resentment and anger at her husband for leaving her 20 years ago. To me, that is 20 years too long to live a life not a happy and joyful as you could be. Resentment weighs us down. It’s a burden to bear. Even worse, is the person you are angry with probably has moved on and let it go. Grotesque, isn’t it?
I urge you all to look within yourselves as I look into myself. See if there are any past areas of hurt that you put a bandage on when you really needed surgery. Open the wound, realize the true reason why you are hurt and figure out what holding on to that anger, disappointment, sadness is doing for you. And then, you may be able to not only move forward but let it go.
Love you guys and girls.
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To view Oprah’s Lifeclass webcast on “Letting Go of Anger,” click here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/oprahs-lifeclass-webcast.html