Archives for the month of: October, 2011
"Transit Passes and Tickets Available Her...

Example of a bus stop

9:45 am I wake up to get ready for class

10:00 am I leave the bathroom and begin to get dressed

10:15 am  I head to the kitchen to wash my travel mug.

10:17 am I fill my mug with hot tea and wonder if I put my travel mug in my bag will it leak.

10:18 am I grab a 500 mg aspirin and place it in my pocket in fear of menstrual cramps.

10:19 am I leave the front door of my building to walk to the bus stop.

This is what happened between 10:20-10:22 am

When I leave my apartment complex, I see a flatmate in front of me, walking quite quickly. I assume she is in fear that the bus is already at the stop as am I. I open my bag to grab my bus pass and begin jogging.

Then, it happens.

I trip on something and fall face first on the pavement. The funny thing is I felt myself falling and tried to stop it but my momentum was too fast. Have you ever seen a baseball player slide head first into home base.? Well, that is how I looked. lol I slid about a foot and a half across the cobblestone. I felt the skin on my knees and elbows rub off my body as the friction with my body and the pavement increased.

All of my things, including my mug in my right hand and my purse in my left hand went flying along with my book bag all over the cement.

No time to waste, I hopped up off the pavement. But, before I arise, I contemplate just laying there in pain and sheer embarrassment. As I quickly gathered my items, I look around to see if anyone saw me. Thankfully, no one was on the street but me.

I get up and turn the corner to go to the bus stop and see the bus is near my stop. I look in my bag for my bus pass. I realize I do not have it. I look to where I fell and notice  that my bus pass is near a street gutter. Thankfully it didn’t go in the gutter.

Needless to say, I grab my pass and limp to the bus. When I sit down on the bus, I check my wounds: both of my knees, my left elbow and right palm are either burning, bleeding or both. I feel as if I have been hit by a Mack truck. I take the aspirin as soon as I arrive on the bus while I sit and sip my tea.

The Moral of this story: It could be to wake up early so that I can take my time getting to my desired destination. It could be to pay more attention to the ground under me, especially when running.

But the main lesson I learned is that my mug is not leak proof. lol

I learned to always carry an aspirin with me.

I also learned to laugh at myself because my falling was funny, despite the bumps and bruises I have.

Pastor Tom Schaller preaching at GGWO

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My Grandma  is one of those God-fearing women who had me in church ALL THE TIME.  As a kid, it seemed like I was going to church for every possible program. So much, that I began to dread going because I didn’t get anything out of the service. I mostly, just fell asleep in her lap.

As I got older my Grandmother told me “Morgan, You’re too old to be sleeping in church. Time for you to pay attention.” So, since I was no longer allowed to draw, color, eat snacks, and sleep during service, I figured I’d do the next best thing: TALK to my neighbors and the other kids beside me.

Well, that was short-lived as my Grandma made me sit beside her in the first row of the church. I spent most of the time looking back at the other kids, kicking my feet and biting my nails. Basically, doing anything except paying attention.

But, as I got older and got to the age of accountability, I began to take God and church seriously. In fact, I actually began to enjoy going to church. I loved to learn of the different Bible stories and how they relate to my life. Going to church does something for me. It gives me strength and motivation to face the obstacles of the next week along with inspiration for my life and strengthens my relationship with the Lord.

No matter where I lived in the U.S., I made an effort to find a church home. In the U.S., I tend to go to church on a regular. Here: not so much.

Since I have been here, I have attended a church near my home a few times. I actually spoke about the church in an earlier post titled, “Do You Practice Your Religion?”

In comparison to the church I attend back at home, this church atmosphere is very different. The music here is….well… not my type to say the least. Although they sing hymnals, many of the songs sound similar (in regards to key, rhythm, etc).

For each song, the same person stands in the front of the sanctuary leading the song while the congregation sings along (somewhat). I hate to say this but is so dry. I mean, I wasn’t expecting them to burst out with a Kirk Franklin “Stump” or Donnie McClurkin “Stand,” but gosh, can they not seem so somber when they are singing praises to the Lord. It really is pretty sad sounding and I wish they would put a little pep in their step and at least try to clap a different rhythm sometime. Instead of clapping always on beat one and three, try clapping on beat two and four.  

Needless to say, I’m used to a choir back at home. One that sings contemporary/hymnals and one where the music is different.

Also, the preaching is different here. The pastor seems almost to be like a teacher, using PowerPoint and video clips every once in a while. I’m not mad at the use of technology. My problem is the lack of inflection of her voice during any part of the sermon. The pastor doesn’t yell or even seem to project her voice very far when she speaks. Her style seems to be as if she is having a really normal conversation with a person sitting directly in front of her. The church isn’t big so I understand the reason she does not project very loud, but can I get an inflection and a non-monotone sermon? This too, seems dry to me. Now, I’m not expecting the Pastor to jump from the pulpit and start sounding like Bishop T.D. Jakes, Joel Olsteen or somebody because I know each Pastor has his or her own style. Nevertheless, I would like for the pastor  to sound a little excited about spreading the gospel and preaching the word.

Lastly, if I thought the music or pastoring was a little tasteless, the congregation just makes me wonder. Nobody claps when the pastor preaches. Nobody says “Hallelujuah” “Amen” “Praise the Lord.” It is all very quiet. Almost as if you are in the library or a museum. All you may hear is somebody cough. This may be because the church has an older congregation. I’m one of the youngest people there besides a few teenagers and toddlers.

So as I sit in the church, I just do not feel like I’m getting what I need. I’ve heard that many of the churches in the Manchester area are similar, so that makes me hesitant in visiting other churches.

I know a quote says, “Be The Change You Want To See” but I would feel out-of-place if I started raising my hand and saying “Praise the Lord. Preach Preachah!” during the service so I just sit there. Feeling dry and praying that the Lord helps me pay attention and not fall asleep.

I know that I go to church to hear the word and as long as the word is preached that should be fine.

I know that culture differences and denominational divides play a major role in influencing every church’s culture.  Possibly if this church style was the only type I was exposed to, I wouldn’t be longing for more.

But I do.

At the very least, all I want is an Amen.

Can I get an Amen?

Liverpool Cathedral is regarded as one of the ...

Image via Wikipedia

On October 16, I visited Liverpool with some of my flatmates.

Here is a brief history of Liverpool: “In the past, Liverpool prospered because of its shipping industry. As a great port, Liverpool attracted thousands of immigrants from Ireland and Scotland and for this reason its Celtic influences are still apparent. Between 1830-1930, however nine million people emigrated to the New World. It was World War II that led to a resurgence in Liverpool’s importance. The port was once again important as the western gateway for transatlantic supplies. More recently, Liverpool became a UNESCO World Heritage site, like the Great Wall of China and the Pyramids of Giza in Egypt. The city won the status because of its impressive waterfront which, according to UNESCO, represents a ‘supreme example of a commercial port at the time of Britain’s greatest global significance’…Perhaps most famous for being the home of the band, The Beatles, Liverpool is also Britain’s largest port standing on the banks of the River Mersey!” –ISA Handout

Before going there, I had no clue what to expect. I had heard of Liverpool and my friend suggested that I visit so I decided to go. While there we took a two hour bus tour of the city. Then, on foot we visited the Albert Dock area, one of the two Cathedrals, and the Liverpool One shopping complex.

The Liverpool Cathedral is the biggest Anglican Cathedral in Europe and it took 74 years to build. In fact, Sir John Betjeman called it ‘one of the great buildings of the world.’ It took 20 minutes to walk to the Cathedral. In fact, after walking 10 minutes, I suggested that we go somewhere else but of course, we trekked on and I hoped that the walk was worth it.

When we finally made it to the Cathedral, the sheer size of the building left me breathless. When we finally went inside the building, I realized just how ornately designed the building was along with the detailed architecture. As we walked to the sanctuary, I realized that an actual church service was taking place.  So, I eased right on in the last row of the pews to listen a little while.

The Cathedral’s structure allows for sound to travel quite easily, especially from the pulpit. The woman preaching sounded like a huge figure, when in fact she was quite short and petite. I listened to her message while taking in the beautiful windows, figures, statues, etc. all over. I looked up and thought to myself  “whoever went all the way up there to create this roof was a brave figure” because I can’t even estimate how far up the ceiling is.

To my right, I noticed an area where you could light a candle and pray. Compelled to say a little prayer, for my family and friends back home, I went and did so. I’m sure God heard every word.

Although we saw many things that day such as the Beatles Museum, Albert Dock, China Town etc., my favorite part was the Cathedral. It made me think of the hymnal How Great Thou Art, especially the words, “Then sings my soul. My Savior, God to thee. How Great Thou Art. How Great Thou Art.”

If you want to see pictures from my day trip to Liverpool, click on the “Travel” area of the blog, or look at the earlier post titled, “Liverpool pictures.”

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While in Manchester, I have met black people from Nigeria, Rwanda, Sierra Leone, Jamaica, among many other places. I’m always amazed at how different we all are, but how our stories regarding discrimination, racism, etc. are similar in regards to certain aspects. While in the Student Union, I saw a poster from the NUS Black Students Campaign. Although this poster was on the door along with many other posters, it drew my attention with the world “N****S” in the first sentence, so I had to read it because I figured it had to be some type of racist poster. Surprisingly, it wasn’t.  To me, it expresses a conglomeration of how black people are viewed not only from non-blacks, but also from within the black community itself. Many of these viewpoints expressed, I believe, lead to blacks struggles with living in any society, domestically or abroad.

Read below:

“Because…all Black people are n****s and if we’re not we’re p***s or half-castes or mongrels excluded from school as children and under-marked in college as students then unemployed as graduates although everyone knows that if we do have a job it’s to fill quotas and if we don’t we’re state scroungers and because we’re the first to be sacked and the last to be promoted and because we’re underrepresented in parliament and over-represented in prisons and psychiatric wards and if we complain we’re militants, playing the race card and if we don’t it’s our slave mentality and when we demand equality we really mean special treatment and if we wear traditional clothes or have beards we’re backward or if we wear a headscarf we’re oppressed and if we wear hoodies we’re a threat and if we don’t we’re trying to be white and if we inter-racially marry we’re muddying the genes and if we don’t it’s because we’ve been forced by our families and if our friends are black we’re still self-segregating and if they’re not we’re self hating and if we’re housed near other minorities it’s a ghetto or little India and if we’re not we’re spoiling the character or taking over, and if we’re attacked it must be an ethnic problem or community tension caused by us for just being there and if we’re not, we must be doing the attacking because we’re over policed as citizens but under-policed as victims and because we’re all muggers, drug dealers, addicts or terrorists anyway and because we should all go back to where we came from even if we’ve never been there and take our multiculturalism with us but leave our food and music and…for lots of other reasons…we are a part of the NUS black students campaign.”

According to Kanja Sesay, MMU’s Black Students officer, the organization “represent[s] the largest constituency of Black students in Europe and students of African, Asian, Arab and Caribbean descent, at a local and national level on all issues affecting Black students. Everyone’s support is welcome.”

 I thought this was an interesting cause and was delighted that the school had an organization like this. Of course, racism exists and the degree varies based on where one lives, but I like how this organization did not only focus on the black person’s plight. I have never seen a Black student organization like this that focuses on so many disparities in the community, university and worldwide. In fact, “An NUS report has shown that Black students face a range of barriers in further and higher education, which are affecting satisfaction and attainment.” The organizations goal is to address these concerns.

What is your reaction to this passage?

To learn more about the report, read here http://www.nus.org.uk/en/Campaigns/BlackStudents/Race-for-Equality/

Visit this website for more information about the organization in general: http://www.nus.org.uk/Campaigns/BlackStudents/

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Years ago, I began one of my first summer internships at SC-ETV which stands for South Carolina Education Television. To tell you a little bit about SC-EVT, I have taken the liberty of quoting the website which states, “South Carolina ETV is the state’s public educational broadcasting network with 11 television transmitters, 8 radio frequencies and a multi-media educational system in more than 2,500 schools, colleges, businesses and government agencies. Using television, radio and the web, SCETV’s mission is to enrich lives by educating children, informing and connecting citizens, celebrating our culture and environment and instilling the joy of learning.”  http://scetv.org/index.php/about/

As you can see, the main goal of SC-ETV is education. While there, I worked in the Creative Services Department. I learned many lessons both personally and professionally that have been incorporated into my life. I wish to share some of those “Aha Moments” as Oprah would call them, with you.

At SC-ETV, I quickly learned the culture of the office. Although many different departments wore business suits to work, I learned that wearing jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers was the norm for our department. Sure, there were some who wore suits and business casual wear to work (slacks and  a polo) those who tended to go out and shoot footage tended to be less formal in their clothing. I suppose it is only practical when you are shooting footage on a hot summer day of some type of historical celebration to be as comfortable as possible.

From day one at the office, I tended to dress business casual (dress pants/skirt and a blouse; dress and a sweater). I went by the rule of whatever I would wear to church, I would wear to work. A few weeks into working, my boss took me aside and said, “Morgan, I notice how you are always dressed professionally. Keep that up because whether you think so or not, people notice.”

From that conversation, I learned: Dressing the part can sometimes make the difference. Your clothing communicates something about you long before you open your mouth.

As I continued to work there, I had the opportunity to be given a project by my boss’s supervisor. I cannot recall the specific task, but I do know that I had to go into his office to get briefed for my role. As I walked to his office, I noticed that his door was closed. On his door was a sign that stated, “I’m uninterested in how the job can’t be done.”

Before ever entering his office, I learned an important lesson:

We all have 24 hours in a day. What you do with them is up to you.

Persistence pays off.

Hard work pays off.

Determination pays off.

But excuses are unacceptable.

Like his sign said, in life, many people’s interest does not lie in why you could not get your job done. It’s more tailored to see how you will overcome those obstacles to get the job done, especially when others are counting on you.

At another job, I was called into the CEO’s office to work on a project. I usually did not work directly under him so I was shocked that he even knew my name, much less wanted me to come to his office. In a rush, I left my office and bolted to his door, leaving all my materials behind.

When I came in his office, he looked at me and said, “Where is your pen and paper?”

Stunned, I was honest and said, “I forgot, sir.”

He then replied, “Go back to your office. You should never come into someone’s office without a pen or paper. It’s not professional.”

I left his office.

I thought to myself, “Surely he must think I’m an idiot.”

Later that afternoon, he called me back into his office. I carried enough pens and paper in their for everyone to use. lol

What I learned was “Be prepared. Sometimes you only get one opportunity to prove yourself.”

After working at that office a few months, I tended to continue to work directly under the CEO. I, among, many of my co-workers were shocked that I had been there the shortest amount of time, yet I was being called on by him more than some who had worked there for years.  Of course, comments began to be made, stating that I was the “favorite probably because of the way I looked,” totally disregarding my intellect which made me capable to do my job and do it well.

That’s when I learned that jealousy is a part of your life when you are doing well. Ignore them.  “When you do well, people notice.” -Oprah

Nevertheless, I , myself was curious why he would call me in his office to brainstorm a new program or go over a speech or proofread an email, etc. Surely, there were others in the office with more experience than me.

After proofreading an email for the CEO, he stated: “Morgan, do you know why I continue to ask you to help me with projects?”

“No sir,” I said.

“It’s because you don’t complain. Any time I ask you to do something, big or small, you do it. You’re pleasant. You’re a hard worker and I like that.”

That was when I learned that sometimes it’s not about qualifications, but more so it’s about your attitude. His comment reminded me of what my Grandma always said, “___________ will take you further than your money or education ever will…”

Through my experience, I’ve learned that respect, hard work, humbleness, and faith are some of those attributes that will take you further than money or education.

Like always, my Grandma was right.

Love you guys and girls,

M.S.

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A metaphorical visualization of the word Anger.

Image via Wikipedia

A few days ago, I was listening to Oprah’s Lifeclass Webcast that discussed “Letting go of Anger.” The co-host of this show was Iyanla Vanzant, a motivational speaker/author/relationship expert. During the class, Iyanla discussed how we only have two emotions: love and fear. She continued to explain how anger is the manifestation of fear.

 Iyanla stated that there are Four Primal fears:

Number One: “The fear of Losing someone’s love or having your love rejected or being taken away… “

Number Two: “The fear of being powerless or helpless (unsafe)…”

Number Three: “The fear of a loss of control (self/others/what will happen)”

Number Four: “The fear of not being seen as valuable, worthy necessary.”

I found these valuable insights that helped to explain some of my angriest moments to myself. In retrospection, I can agree with Iyanla when she stated how we are never angry for the reason we think we are. In horrible break-ups, family issues, friendships woes, academic blunders, and many other things that have happened, I realize that my anger was only a cover up for some type of pain. Many times, my feelings were hurt or I was disappointed because I was no longer viewed as “valuable” or treated as valuable. Other times, I felt a loss of control or confusion about a situation.

No matter how angry I got, I learned to move forward. In fact, I prided myself on my ability to dust myself off after a fall, get back up and join the race. But, how many of you know that moving forward and letting go are, at times, two separate realities? Even after getting up from a bad fall, a person still has wounds that can leave scars. Or even worse, a person can have a wound that was never fully treated and healed.

Genähte Wunde am Rücken, vier Stiche. (sewed w...

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Yes, you may have moved on forward from that horrible relationship, but have you let it go? Have you let go of the past hurt, pain, and resentment that is potentially clouding your future.

Yes, you may have moved forward and gotten a different job, but have you let the anger, frustration, disappointment, and sadness go from being laid off after years of hard work and dedication to a company?

Yes, you may still associate with a friend who wronged or hurt you, but have you let go of the effect/pain that his or her actions caused you?

On the Oprah’s Lifeclass webcast was a woman who held on to resentment and anger at her husband for leaving her 20 years ago. To me, that is 20 years too long to live a life not a happy and joyful as you could be. Resentment weighs us down. It’s a burden to bear. Even worse, is the person you are angry with probably has moved on and let it go. Grotesque, isn’t it?

I urge you all to look within yourselves as I look into myself. See if there are any past areas of hurt that you put a bandage on when you really needed surgery. Open the wound, realize the true reason why you are hurt and figure out what holding on to that anger, disappointment, sadness is doing for you. And then, you may be able to not only move forward but let it go.

Love you guys and girls.

M.S.

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To view Oprah’s Lifeclass webcast on “Letting Go of Anger,” click here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/oprahs-lifeclass-webcast.html

Ralph Richard Banks

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Previously, I alluded to the topic of interracial dating in an earlier post titled “Milk in My Tea,” and “All My Single Ladies”  but recently a former classmate  brought to my attention an article by The Economist entitled, “Unmarried Black Women: Down or Out” This article summarizes Ralph Richard Banks, a Stanford Professor’s view on dating and marriage for black women.

Banks, an African American professor of family law suggests that due to the daunting statistic of black men’s imprisonment, lack of education, etc that many sista’s should think outside of the box and date and potentially marry people from another race. I suggest you read the article yourself because it provides some interesting statistics/perspectives about his stance.

This is not the first time I have heard about Banks and his book: “Is Marriage for White People? How the AfricanAmericanMarriage Decline Affects Everyone”. In fact, Demetria L. Lucas, the Relationships Editor at ESSENCE has written several posts about this which I have read. (I’ll provide the links to hers in the end of this as well.)

Now, before you all grab your pickets, put on your black panther outfit and begin rioting, let me note that Banks is married to a black women, so no this is not some black man who hates his own race and only finds beauty in other ethnic backgrounds.

I thought of many ways to discuss this issue:

Should I discuss colorism and the effect that it has on dating, especially in America

Should I discuss the black men who only date non-black women for a plethora (some superficial) reasons?

Should I discuss black women dating outside of their race?

With all of that said, here are MY thoughts on the subject.

Men and women, date who you want. Love your God, Love yourself, Love other people.  

I do not have any qualms about interracial dating. For me,  it’s the reasons that people decide to do it that make the difference. Dating outside of your race because you think mixed babies are “prettier” or any superficial reason similar to that is trifling. I’ve heard men and women state they want to date outside of their race because they want to see what kind of babies they would make or because they think the offspring would have “good hair” or a “nice complexion” (yes, I have heard that as a reason. smh).

Date outside of your race because of the same reason you would date anyone else. Do so because you are interested in the person. Not because of some stereotypical roles that you have heard that certain women or men play.  Do so because you want to get to know him or her, not because of the color of their skin or the texture of their hair. Specifically, when any person male or female not only desires to date other races but also rejects his or her own race by stating, “I don’t date… I only date… or I will not date… to me that is very narrow-minded and baffling.  Let me be clear here: I have met white men who only date black women  and I felt the same way as I would if I met a black man who only dated white women. What I’m saying is White isn’t better. Black isn’t better. Nor is anything in between any better. We’re all the same race: human.

Yes, there are some cases where men prefer women based off of race first, then personality latter, but I am not convinced this is as prevalent as media/society would lead us to believe. Yes, I know of this happening. I have met black men who only date non-black women for superficial reasons. I have met black men who discussed how my complexion may make it hard for me to find a successful  black man since they go for lighter blacks. But these are individual situations; these are NOT truths. Yeah, this happens. People experience it. But this is not an absolute truth.  I don’t care what the statistics show. Your relationship could be the anomaly.

There is no better person based on skin color.  No, we can’t ignore cultural differences nor the history of race relations in America and how it may affect various cultures opinion on interracial dating; however,  for me,  too much is going on in the world on a bigger scale for me to worry about why this black man dates and marries this non-black woman. And if sista’s were honest with themselves, they would note how a lot of the black men that get married to non-black women, you didn’t want anyway. lol With all the men in the world, you can’t date them all. So don’t hate, appreciate the fact that they found their happiness and look for your own.

Look deeper than the outside of a person. Decide what type of character your potential mate would have. Then go after that. After all, love comes in all colors. You could be overlooking your Mr. or Mrs. Right because you’re focused on the wrong things.

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

If you like this post, feel free to retweet it or share/like it on Facebook, etc.

To read my earlier posts about dating and interracial dating, read here:

https://mosmalls.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/all-my-single-ladies/

https://mosmalls.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/milk-in-my-tea/

To read The Economist article I discussed, read here:

http://www.economist.com/node/21532296

To read Demetria L. Lucas’ posts on Professor Banks, read here:

http://www.essence.com/2011/08/09/real-talk-are-white-men-the-answer/

http://www.essence.com/2011/09/27/real-talk-are-you-willing-to-date-a-non-black-man/

 http://www.essence.com/2011/08/15/real-talk-are-you-giving-up-on-black-love/

Photo of Rabindranath Tagore, taken in 1905 or...

Image via Wikipedia

The word “Humble” is defined by Websters Online Dictionary as “not proud or arrogant; modest…” http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/humble

In this day and age where bravado is accepted and praised, you rarely run into someone who is truly humble. More often, we meet people who want to toot their own horns about their beauty, status, wealth, power, etc.

Do not misunderstand me: I have no problem with a person acknowledging their success or good fortune; I believe that those who are recognized for their hard work and perseverance, deserve it. However, when the person’s accolades outshine the attributes of their character, that is when it can become problematic.

In society, we are used to people praising their own abilities, their own self-worth, their own appearance, etc. so it is refreshing to meet someone who does the complete opposite.

As I was talking to a friend today, he  told me how his daily morning routine involves reading my blog. (That definitely made my day!) I told him how I just started this whole blogging thing but I have enjoyed it. He then mentioned how his Flickr account is about to reach its 1,000,000 view.

Wow. 1,000,000 views!

 I inquired about what kind of photos he has that would generate 1,000,000 views.  He then began to tell me that  he does architectural photography.

I said, “can I see your pictures?”

He hesitated a little and replied, “I’m quite shy but I can show you some of them if you like. I also have a business card, but don’t show anyone because I’m quite shy.”

After I looked at his website, I noticed how many accolades he did, in fact, have as a result of his work.

One word: Amazing

Through my research, I found out that his work has been included in several magazines, textbooks, on-line articles, etc. In fact, in our University’s library, we have textbooks that have his photographs on the cover. He has also traveled extensively due to his photography.

Impressive?

I’d say so.

I would have never known this interesting fact about him because he never tooted his own horn. Instead, he sought to compliment me on my blog that has an insignificant amount of views in comparison to his.

His humility reminded me  of a great lesson: “we come nearest to the great when we are great in humility”- Rabindranath Tagore

May we all learn a lesson in humility and compliment others. It doesn’t cost you anything and is one of the best gifts you can give.

After he reads this post, I will see if I can persuade him to let me show you some of his pictures and offer a link to his website so you can see what I am talking about. 🙂

Lately, I’ve noticed that many of my classmates, friends, etc. are either engaged or getting married. While I am happy for their union, every once in a while, I wonder (like many women) when is my Mr. Right going to come along? When will I be the bride in lieu of the bridesmaid?

I’m told the more successful a woman becomes, the more difficult it may be to find a suitable partner. By “suitable,” I assume that means someone who is on your level (whatever that means). But, I disagree. Too often mature and successful women hide behind the guise of “There are no good men, All men are dogs, All the good men are taken, etc.” In many cases, those excuses may not be valid. Maybe you are a woman with a jacked-up attitude or unrealistic expectations or insecurites that have build a wall up so high, nobody could climb it.

However, I do believe that there are a plethora of factors that could be considered when discussing relationships and why so many successful women are single.

I don’t know about you, but I get tired of being asked that same question, “Why are you single?” First of all, that is an unfair question. For many of us, if we knew why were single, then maybe we would not be single any longer. lol Second of all, many ask the question as if there is some negative stigma associated with being single. It is not a disease or an inconvenience. In fact, at this time, it is my preference.

My name is Morgan and I am single. Why? It is not because I do not like men. It is not because I am too busy to be in a relationship? It is a conscientious decision to focus on my aspirations and goals before getting caught up in any relationship prematurely. And more importantly, it’s because I want to strengthen another relationship first: The one between me and Christ.

As my walk with Christ continues to strengthen, I realize just how important it is to learn to love God before loving any other man. God will show me the true definition of love spoken about in First Corinthians Chapter 13. Then and only then, will I be prepared to love. That is not saying that I am not open to dating or meeting new people, it’s only stating that any relationship I have with a male is secondary to my relationship with God. And if any carnal relationship jeopardizes my spiritual relationship, then changes have to occur to realign me to the will of God.

I am an avid lover of poetry and last year, I stumbled across this website that perfectly explained my answer to the question, “Why are you single?” Please take the time to watch the video below. What is your answer to that very same question? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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